If English is the North Pole, Japanese is the South!

Over the years, I have come to realize why English is a challenge for so many people in Japan. Whether it is pronunciation, grammar, sentence or argument construction, or listening comprehension, there are so many facets of the English language that will always baffle even the hardest-working student. In this entry I will review some of the reasons for their issues with the language and hopefully provide some insights into the Japanese language, too.

As many are probably aware of, pronunciation of English is a real issue for people in Japan. The reasons for this are two-fold: interference from the Japanese language and katakana. Now you may say that katakana is a part of the Japanese language, but I don’t think so. But that is for another entry.

In general, vowels are everything in the Japanese language. By this I mean that if you make even the slightest error with a vowel, you will most likely change the meaning of what you are trying to say. Even among native speakers of Japanese this is difficult at times. English on the other hand could care less about the correct pronunciation of vowels. Americans in particular love the sound “a.” Every vowel in English can be pronounced as “a” at one time or another. For people in Japan nothing could be more confusing or infuriating! Generally speaking, the way one spells Japanese is exactly the way it is pronounced. Being from America and fluent in Japanese, I still find myself having troubles with pronunciation. I have a habit of wanting to ignore the correct pronunciation of Japanese. On the other hand, in the Japanese language, no one cares about consonants. L or R, B or V, they are all the same. But in English, the correct pronunciation of consonants is vitally important. In this respect one could say that Japanese and English are kind of inverses of one another. The same applies to using the language.

The best teachers I have ever had the pleasure of studying under all had one thing in common: the value of proper and easily understood communication. Whether on paper or in front of a crowd, “simple is best” was the lesson to be learned. If you could write something in 20 words and not use 30 – then the former sentence was always preferable. If you started speaking thinking first of your audience and fitting your speech to their level, that was the sign of an excellent communicator. In Japan, this is either the sign of a simpleton or a super genius – I have been referred to as both. Why? Because in Japanese thinking of the listener is the last thing on someone’s “to-do list.” For many people in Japan the onus of comprehension is entirely on the listener and not on the speaker. Now there are some exceptions to be made due to gender, age, and power relations,  but in my experience if someone can’t be understood, that’s their problem. The speaker has very responsibility for the situation. Again, English and Japanese are the opposite.

How about arguments or formal debate? In English they can be thought of as very structured and straightforward. There are rules and logic and values to being able to argue one’s opinion and change other people’s minds. In Japanese, I am not so sure. Again, in the culture of a language where the responsibility for communication is on the listener, then being able to clearly, logically, and concisely communicate is not “proper” communication. Therefore, many of you studying with the intent to speak fluent Japanese in order to communicate all of your opinions and ideas, could very well be wasting your time. It is sad but true. You needn’t be good at Japanese to communicate. Many people in Japan will try very earnestly to comprehend your broken Japanese or English.

So what does a “logical” argument in Japanese comprise of? In a word – whatever the old man thinks is important. Whether there are any facts to support his claims, whether he is making an objective assessment, whether he is speaking from personal experience, is all besides the point! You cannot imagine how many windbags are on TV in Japan and spout anything they feel like. The best is when they just start screaming at one another. That is “debate” in Japan. One of the best examples for you non-believers out there is a TV show called “TV Tackle.” Every Monday evening from 9:00 P.M. the oyajis, geezers (usually politicians), convene around a semi-circle and yell at one another. No one listens to anyone and it is the epitome of “communication” in Japan. Rush Limbaugh looks like a civilized person in comparison – that is how bad it gets!

In the end, people from Japan will find a language pronounced extremely differently from the way it is written and logically spoken with the listener first taken into consideration a puzzle wrapped inside an enigma and so on.

Thanks for reading,

GBUJ

Working in Japan: 10 Ways to Earn Respect

Last summer I had the pleasure of addressing about 30 young people who were coming to Japan to work. They were all in the JET Program. For those who are unfamiliar with this program, in a nutshell it is Japan’s effort at easing the trade imbalance between the States (and other countries?) and Japan. I mean, it is a program whereby young people (older people with experience aren’t allowed) come to Japan and work as assistant English teachers in junior and senior high schools. It started in the late 1980s and pretty much has been a complete failure in terms of educational goals and English education curriculum. But that isn’t really the focus of this entry. Rather I wish to focus on what I said to these young people right out of Narita airport. Basically, I gave a presentation on what to expect in the participants’ upcoming year in Japan and how to avoid certain traps and cultural landmines awaiting them. In no particular order here are the words of advice I imparted:

• Dress code: Basically coming from the States, Canada, the UK, and so on, you have slipped back in time. English teachers in Japan, in particular, are some of the most conservative people I have ever met. You will be expected to look like a teacher, i.e. wearing a suit. Whether you can teach or not is besides the point. Just have to look like a teacher.

For women, this means no nipples (nothing could freak out Japanese people – especially the men - more than “weather knobs!” Also skirt length (below the knees is preferable) and never any tattoos!

For men, invest in undershirts! You will sweat here (especially since very few schools will have air conditioners) and turning all of your white shirts yellow can add up in terms of dry cleaning. Save a ton of money and get the non-iron shirts from Brooks Brothers! The best buy ever!

• Classroom etiquette: The worst thing you could do is sit on a desk. Well, no that’s not exactly right. “Disrespecting” a textbook, dropping it on the floor, stepping on it, etc…  is probably just as bad if not worse. Never forget that everything you do, every movement, every gesture, everything will be watched and “judged” by your audience.

• Don’t try to speak Japanese in the classroom. Even if your Japanese is excellent, you are not here for your Japanese skills, you are there for your knowledge of English. Well, actually you are here just because Toyota sells too many cars in the States and other countries – you’ll see what I mean after about a week. I don’t think there are too many other cultures in the world were people will most likely make fun of you for trying to speak their language. Butchering the Japanese language will not earn you any respect in Japan.

• Don’t try to “fix” anything. You are a guest, a visitor, in general a nobody. Yes you may have studied education (even in graduate school) and have a teaching license from your home country, but that means absolutely nothing here. Believe it or not there is “a way” things are done here and you being here for even a year or two means absolutely nothing. I have been here 17 years and I survive by generally keeping my mouth shut.

• If you sincerely care about what others here think of you, learn a martial art or some other art specific to Japan. Big brownie points! Orgasmic in some cases. I speak Japanese fluently  – no big deal. I have a degree from Columbia – it’s OK. I bought a nice house in the center of Tokyo at the age of 32 – that impresses. But being a 4th degree blackbelt (going on 5) – nothing gets more oohs and aahs. Remember time here is thought of differently. 40 is our 20 and maybe after trying to perfect your “craft” after 50 years – then you can say you know something.

• “Part two”concerning your appearance (part one was the dress code above): You can’t change. A friend of a friend was ordered by her boss to return her hair color to its “original” blond, even though she was a true brunette. Rationale – it would be too “shocking” for students to see that she wasn’t really a blond. Be ready for people to point out all kinds of changes you make. The top of everyone’s list, without a doubt, is your weight. It seems like this is on everyone’s mind all the time in this country. If you are the least bit weight conscious – don’t come to Japan! I can not tell you how many times I have people (even friends) come up and say, “you gained weight, haven’t you” or the always flattering “you are fat.”  Actually this was like the third point I raised in my presentation and I think half of the kids were ready to return home already! Japan has a lot of “weight Nazis” – be prepared!

• Be ready to have tons of smoke blown up your ass. It is an art form here in Japan. Don’t give much credence to the majority of what people say to you. Flattery is a national pastime and most people know it for what it is –  BS. I can’t tell you how many times I have been praised for being able to use chopsticks, speaking the language, eating anything put in front of me, knowing obvious historical facts and figures, and so on…. I am by no means special but if I believed everything I have been told over the years, I’d think I was the second coming of Jesus. (Unfortunately, there are many non-Japanese who believe everything they are told and it does go to their head – they often have serious issues when they learn they can’t walk on water!)

• Don’t be surprised if people want to know everything about you. You will be treated as a kind of “rock-star” and in return you will be asked all kinds of questions – most of them highly personal. Ironically, many of the questions about love life, the other sex, and so on… would be taboo questions for most people in Japan. I will never forget a visiting professor asking a student about where she went out on weekends and with whom. The student in particular turned beet red in the face (probably out of fear and embarrassment) and the other students and myself cringed. I never bring up relationships with 99% of the people I know in Japan. It just isn’t talked about! But, they will ask you anyway. Go figure!

• Don’t make any observations about physicality. People in Japan know they are vertically challenged with stubby legs and extremities and unusually long torsos and some monstrous “heeds” (Hideki Matsui of the NY Yankees has like the 2nd largest melon in the majors – and he isn’t that big!) they don’ t need to be reminded. Observe, note, but keep it to yourself.

Lastly, after people got somewhat over the shock of what I was saying, I think I fielded a question or two about work in Japan. In Japan working long and not smart is a kind of virtue. The example I used was Michael Scott from “The Office.” (God I love that show! – You’ll read why in a minute.) In one episode he is complaining to the camera that Jim does such and such a job in only 30 minutes. The same job takes Michael 8 hours to accomplish. So in Michael’s mind, Jim is not a hard worker and he is. I would say that most of the people you come in contact with in Japan will be variations (only slightly different) of Michael Scott. I even used his picture in my Powerpoint slides. Love the show because even 7,000 miles away on the other side of the planet I feel everyone’s pain from “The Office!” If you can’t handle that TV show, you will undoubtedly hate your time in Japan!

         Sorry to have gotten out of hand with this one, but I thought it would be of interest to some of you.

         Thanks for reading,

          GBUJ