Peaceful Japan – My Ass!

One of the stereotypes about Japan that bothers me the most is that people in Japan somehow value and practice “peace” more than other people around the world. In reality, I feel that the opposite could very well be true and here are a number of examples to prove my point:

•  Come to Japan and be prepared to be: pushed, bumped, and stepped on – and that is just from the old ladies or “babas” in train stations or on trains! Then there are the smokers who will blow smoke in your face or dump cigarette ashes on you. And don’t get me started on the motorcycles without mufflers!

• In terms of educating: pain is the best teacher. This is “common sense” for many people in Japan. I have seen teachers, parents, and others in teaching roles literally beat their lesson into their pupils – and it is commonly accepted! One would think that those “shy” little women in Japan would never be violent, but you would be wrong! If they have the upper hand, i.e. are senpai – or senior, anyone will commonly revert to physical and psychological violence towards their ward. The worst I have ever seen was on a TV program on the police. The cadets are basically beat silly (physically and psychologically) and this is considered professional.

• Probably one of the biggest jokes in Japan is the just the term “peace.” I see rallies, textbook entries, movies, TV documentaries, and newspaper articles praising Japan’s contribution to peace in the world, but what is really meant is peace for Japan that wants nothing to do with the rest of the world. In short, these peace activists in Japan want to act like ostriches and bury their heads in the sand and ignore the reality of the  world around them. When North Korea fired missles over the country, the Japanese government did nothing. Heck, if I recall correctly, the American government told CNN and the Japanese had learn about the “tests” from America. Shocking! One letter in the Japan Times hit the nail on the head with this:

http://search.japantimes.co.jp/cgi-bin/rc20080228a2.html

Thanks for reading,

GBUJ

Working in Japan: 10 Ways to Earn Respect

Last summer I had the pleasure of addressing about 30 young people who were coming to Japan to work. They were all in the JET Program. For those who are unfamiliar with this program, in a nutshell it is Japan’s effort at easing the trade imbalance between the States (and other countries?) and Japan. I mean, it is a program whereby young people (older people with experience aren’t allowed) come to Japan and work as assistant English teachers in junior and senior high schools. It started in the late 1980s and pretty much has been a complete failure in terms of educational goals and English education curriculum. But that isn’t really the focus of this entry. Rather I wish to focus on what I said to these young people right out of Narita airport. Basically, I gave a presentation on what to expect in the participants’ upcoming year in Japan and how to avoid certain traps and cultural landmines awaiting them. In no particular order here are the words of advice I imparted:

• Dress code: Basically coming from the States, Canada, the UK, and so on, you have slipped back in time. English teachers in Japan, in particular, are some of the most conservative people I have ever met. You will be expected to look like a teacher, i.e. wearing a suit. Whether you can teach or not is besides the point. Just have to look like a teacher.

For women, this means no nipples (nothing could freak out Japanese people – especially the men - more than “weather knobs!” Also skirt length (below the knees is preferable) and never any tattoos!

For men, invest in undershirts! You will sweat here (especially since very few schools will have air conditioners) and turning all of your white shirts yellow can add up in terms of dry cleaning. Save a ton of money and get the non-iron shirts from Brooks Brothers! The best buy ever!

• Classroom etiquette: The worst thing you could do is sit on a desk. Well, no that’s not exactly right. “Disrespecting” a textbook, dropping it on the floor, stepping on it, etc…  is probably just as bad if not worse. Never forget that everything you do, every movement, every gesture, everything will be watched and “judged” by your audience.

• Don’t try to speak Japanese in the classroom. Even if your Japanese is excellent, you are not here for your Japanese skills, you are there for your knowledge of English. Well, actually you are here just because Toyota sells too many cars in the States and other countries – you’ll see what I mean after about a week. I don’t think there are too many other cultures in the world were people will most likely make fun of you for trying to speak their language. Butchering the Japanese language will not earn you any respect in Japan.

• Don’t try to “fix” anything. You are a guest, a visitor, in general a nobody. Yes you may have studied education (even in graduate school) and have a teaching license from your home country, but that means absolutely nothing here. Believe it or not there is “a way” things are done here and you being here for even a year or two means absolutely nothing. I have been here 17 years and I survive by generally keeping my mouth shut.

• If you sincerely care about what others here think of you, learn a martial art or some other art specific to Japan. Big brownie points! Orgasmic in some cases. I speak Japanese fluently  – no big deal. I have a degree from Columbia – it’s OK. I bought a nice house in the center of Tokyo at the age of 32 – that impresses. But being a 4th degree blackbelt (going on 5) – nothing gets more oohs and aahs. Remember time here is thought of differently. 40 is our 20 and maybe after trying to perfect your “craft” after 50 years – then you can say you know something.

• “Part two”concerning your appearance (part one was the dress code above): You can’t change. A friend of a friend was ordered by her boss to return her hair color to its “original” blond, even though she was a true brunette. Rationale – it would be too “shocking” for students to see that she wasn’t really a blond. Be ready for people to point out all kinds of changes you make. The top of everyone’s list, without a doubt, is your weight. It seems like this is on everyone’s mind all the time in this country. If you are the least bit weight conscious – don’t come to Japan! I can not tell you how many times I have people (even friends) come up and say, “you gained weight, haven’t you” or the always flattering “you are fat.”  Actually this was like the third point I raised in my presentation and I think half of the kids were ready to return home already! Japan has a lot of “weight Nazis” – be prepared!

• Be ready to have tons of smoke blown up your ass. It is an art form here in Japan. Don’t give much credence to the majority of what people say to you. Flattery is a national pastime and most people know it for what it is –  BS. I can’t tell you how many times I have been praised for being able to use chopsticks, speaking the language, eating anything put in front of me, knowing obvious historical facts and figures, and so on…. I am by no means special but if I believed everything I have been told over the years, I’d think I was the second coming of Jesus. (Unfortunately, there are many non-Japanese who believe everything they are told and it does go to their head – they often have serious issues when they learn they can’t walk on water!)

• Don’t be surprised if people want to know everything about you. You will be treated as a kind of “rock-star” and in return you will be asked all kinds of questions – most of them highly personal. Ironically, many of the questions about love life, the other sex, and so on… would be taboo questions for most people in Japan. I will never forget a visiting professor asking a student about where she went out on weekends and with whom. The student in particular turned beet red in the face (probably out of fear and embarrassment) and the other students and myself cringed. I never bring up relationships with 99% of the people I know in Japan. It just isn’t talked about! But, they will ask you anyway. Go figure!

• Don’t make any observations about physicality. People in Japan know they are vertically challenged with stubby legs and extremities and unusually long torsos and some monstrous “heeds” (Hideki Matsui of the NY Yankees has like the 2nd largest melon in the majors – and he isn’t that big!) they don’ t need to be reminded. Observe, note, but keep it to yourself.

Lastly, after people got somewhat over the shock of what I was saying, I think I fielded a question or two about work in Japan. In Japan working long and not smart is a kind of virtue. The example I used was Michael Scott from “The Office.” (God I love that show! – You’ll read why in a minute.) In one episode he is complaining to the camera that Jim does such and such a job in only 30 minutes. The same job takes Michael 8 hours to accomplish. So in Michael’s mind, Jim is not a hard worker and he is. I would say that most of the people you come in contact with in Japan will be variations (only slightly different) of Michael Scott. I even used his picture in my Powerpoint slides. Love the show because even 7,000 miles away on the other side of the planet I feel everyone’s pain from “The Office!” If you can’t handle that TV show, you will undoubtedly hate your time in Japan!

         Sorry to have gotten out of hand with this one, but I thought it would be of interest to some of you.

         Thanks for reading,

          GBUJ

“Japanese” First and Foremost

An interesting aspect of life in Japan, and something that readers of this blog may have noticed, is that I refer to job titles in Japan or vice versa. What I am intimating at is the adjective “Japanese” takes precedence over everything. There are no liberals, there are Japanese liberals. There are no communists, there are Japanese communists. There are no Catholics, there are Japanese Catholics. There are no athletes, there are Japanese athletes. There are no hospitals, there are Japanese hospitals. And so on…. One would think that being a “homogeneous” society (quotes are added to emphasize the falsehood of this claim) people in Japan wouldn’t need to endlessly stress the “Japaneseness” of everything in Japan. But it is stressed and stressed, again and again. In the business world, there is probably a good reason for this.

In the business world, the use of “Japan” is also widespread. For example, “Mickey D’s” is McDonald’s Japan. You think they would be the same, but you couldn’t be wronger. The menus are customized for the locals, the advertising is completely different, and there are no contests where you can win a million dollars. In fact there are (oddly enough) a number of companies that are out of business (or in trouble) in America that are thriving in Japan. You can go to Tower Records, eat at Sizzler’s, get a donut at Krispy Kreme (you’ll wait for over an hour though!), and evidently the Starbuck’s with the highest daily sales (over $30,000 a day!) is located in Shibuya. Their secret to all of this success? Refer to my previous posting on “pride.” Like I said before, even employees making 6-8 dollars an hour Japan will do things that many in other countries would never.

So, the adjective “Japanese” can have positive connotations, but trust me they are very few when compared with the darker side of the word’s use. Take another of my pet peeves, Japanese baseball. Recently, a number of players have been leaving Japan for greener pastures in the Majors. While some have found success and the rewards that are entailed, many have found it hard going and they are sent packing with a one-way ticket home. So, what is my beef? Well, every year a number of non-Japanese players take a chance on playing in Japan. Some are serious failures, usually because they refuse to learn something new, but many have pretty good seasons. The problem, just “pretty good” is not enough. Many of the non-Japanese will be released after one season while a bunch of Japanese shmucks are kept. What is behind this seemingly illogical situation? Simple, the mediocre are Japanese and the pretty good (if not better) are not. Furthermore, even after proving themselves, non-Japanese with outstanding stats will never be given multi-year contracts. Even high school kids (with a Japanese passport mind you) will get multi-year contracts. Every November it is shocking to me the talent that either leaves Japan or is released and picked up by another team in Japan. Even worse, watching a popular news show on Sunday mornings, it is hard not to scream when two old geezers sit and bad mouth MLB because they cut Japanese players who can’t make the grade. Excuse me?! Every Japanese player I have seen play in America is given a multi-year contract (right off the bat) and if they prove themselves they will be richly rewarded. Maybe someday there will be reciprocity? But the bottom line, it isn’t baseball, it is Japanese baseball. And this rule of thumb applies to just about everything in Japan! And that is a shame!

Thanks for reading,

GBUJ

America, The Land of the Organ?

Well after two positive entries, I thought it was time to share (IMHO) an uglier side of Japan. This entry concerns organs (the ones in humans) and the penchant (?) of people in Japan to go all the way to America for them.

Watching the news the other day, there was some little 11-year-old boy on his way to America for a heart transplant. As usual I was instantly pissed. For those reading this (the one?) you may think I am being heartless or just a plain jerk, but allow me to explain.

Generally speaking, there is no such thing as organ donation in Japan. I guess something in the culture just turns people off from the subject. There are, and have been, various efforts to get people to sign up and have their organs donated and so on, but few in this country will do so. Unlike in the States, there is no such thing as an organ donor box to check on your driver’s license application. Incidentally, one of my best friends does research on drugs that will help fight organ transplant rejection, but so few are done, I kind of wonder why he does the research. Actually, it is ironic that his work has been widely cited and he has even won awards for his efforts (outside Japan) but in our institution, his work isn’t taken very seriously. I guess one way of looking at organs is, you have what you have. Something wrong? That’s a shame, but I won’t help you.

So why I am pissed? Well, every year hundreds of people from Japan make the trip to the States simply to get a new heart, liver, etc…. But I can tell you that I know of very few cases where non-Japanese come to Japan for medical care of any sort, let alone a transplant! Where is the reciprocity? Keep in mind, as I have written previously, that racism towards non-Japanese is pretty common on various levels. But we’ll take your organs to extend our lives. It seems very strange to me. The same goes for surrogate motherhood. Every year infertile couples “use” wombs in America to have children. Japanese women will not do this not even for Japanese people. I guess one explanation for this is a what one friend years ago called a “lower level of consciousness.” Many people don’t feel the need to get “involved” with people they don’t know. Volunteerism is rare and largely unappreciated. Charity? What charity? The amount of money people in Japan donate to charities is quite small and to be honest a joke in light of GNP and the average salary. There just isn’t an awareness of doing something for a higher purpose. In short, there will never be an equivalent of MLK Jr., Gandhi, Mother Teresa, or the like. The only one I know who comes close was a diploamt in WW II in Lithuania (I believe) who is referred to as the “Japanese Schindler” because he helped thousands of Jews escape Nazi persecution. His reward? He was drummed out of the Foreign Ministry and his efforts became well-publicized only after Steven Speilberg’s movie on Oscar Schindler came out. The average person in Japan knows that being different will only get you in trouble. Helping a complete stranger is tantamount to doing something “different” ergo the average person in Japan won’t do a whole lot to help people they don’t know. I think it is fair to call that a “lower level of consciousness.” For all I know, in my lifetime, Japan will continue to use America as the Land of the Organ.

Thanks for reading,

GBUJ