Until the Day I Die (Part one)

Hello, 

Sorry for not having written anything recently, but I have been so busy with work and life in general. It’s been just crazy this past semester! Anyway, as summer is finally here, things are slowing down at work and I can start writing and sharing again. 

 

In the coming days, I will be sharing three things that I will do until the day I die:

1.  Stay married to “The Missus,”

Now some may wonder what does this have to do with Japan? Well, all three of the aforementioned are directly related to my being in Japan. If fate (or God or the gods) had planned for me to stay in the States or go somewhere else, I doubt I would be living the life I am. Having said that, I can honestly say I have no regrets. The quality of life in Tokyo isn’t the best, but I am sure that any city/country will have its challenges.

But sticking to my point, I am in a relationship with a wonderful woman who is the mother of two nut-cases – I  mean two lovely boys! She is a soulmate if there ever was one and while I complain about her inability to tidy up the house (I do more housework than she does!) I really can’t complain. Many would say she is lucky, but I think we both are. People I meet on both sides of the Pacific have asked me over the years (going on 20! – since we first met) why did I choose to go out with a Japanese woman. I honestly answer that it never crossed my mind that she was Japanese. She is “Kazumi” or more recently “The Missus” and her nationality is irrelevant to me. She is honest, hard-working, a wonderful throwback to the woman of yesteryear who can do anything: sew, quilt, cook, clean, make unbelievably complex lunches for the kids, you name it. And yet, she is very modern. She has her master’s degree in counseling psychology (both her BA and MA are from our alma mater in the States), is a published author, is a partner in a counseling clinic, teaches part-time at a medical university, never forgets to recycle, and sings pretty well, too! Lastly, I doubt if there is anyone on the planet who knows me better. All of which has not one iota to do with her not having the same nationality, religious background, or socioeconomic status. With so little in common originally, we have learned from one another about each other and ourselves and consequently have grown through our time together. Perfect? Nope. Easy? Definitely not! Happy? You bet your ass! 

 

Stay tuned for #2 on my list! 

 

GBUJ

Eeek! It’s a Woman!

This time I am going to write about the often shocking truth about male-female relationships in Japan.

Generally speaking, my friends and I have noticed over the years that men in Japan just don’t seem to like women. In fact, we are pretty certain that if given the chance to choose, most men (90%?!) would prefer the company of other men. Now don’t misunderstand what I am saying, I am not making any statement about sex or sexual preference, but just sharing the fact that men in Japan don’t seem to know how to relate to women and like being amongst other men. What else could explain “customs” such as men eating together, drinking togteher, and even going to the bathroom together – not holding hands, but almost! Or, the quaint custom of men completely ignoring women. On countless occasions, I have been in my workplace walking from here to there with a female friend, we meet a male colleague and my friend is completely ignored! Doesn’t matter who the woman is either! Men will say “hi” to me and nothing whatsoever to my colleague. Why? One theory I have is the “Eeek! It’s a Woman Theory.” For many men in Japan, a woman is similar to a mouse: something smaller, insignificant, generally harmless, and yet when troublesome worthy of a good whack.

Just as in any culture, size matters and while men in Japan aren’t generally giants, the woman are smaller and therefore from a physicality aspect – perceived as the weaker sex. Second, there is definitely a “bamboo” ceiling in corporate and academia Japan. For some reason, women in Japan just can’t be taken seriously. I work with some very highly educated women and I really feel for them! They get little or no respect for their achievements or hard work. They are easily passed over for promotion and generally expected to quit work once they marry and get pregnant. Of course, one of the main reasons for getting married in Japan (over 50% of the time) is pregnancy. Since no one will help with raising the child, the mother has no choice but to stay home. While foreign women in Japan are treated a little better than their counterparts, I have seen so much misogynism in my time in Japan that I count my lucky stars that I am a man!

How bad can it get? Well, the “whack” I mention above is not meant in any metaphorical sense whatsoever! A good portion of the male population will feel at ease beating a woman. Best examples – politicians and police. As I mentioned in a previous posting there are “gaps” in language. Just as there is no word for privacy in Japanese there is also no word for domestic violence. If there is no word, then how can you have a law banning it? Now, in fairness, there is a term in katakana for domestic violence, but like so many other borrowed words/ideas from the West/English, no two people in Japan would give you the same definition of DV. If a husband, boyfriend, stranger, or even a stalker hits a woman, there is often little punishment. I have read numerous stories in newspapers about the punishments (or lack thereof) for men who rape, beat, or even kill female acquaintances. However, interestingly enough, when the tables are turned, it is depressing to note that wives who kill their husbands (often due to years of beatings) often get the book thrown at them. Go figure!

Anyway, I thought I would share something about the sexes in Japan. Of course, turnabout is fair play and generally speaking women don’t really want to hang out with the men either. They prefer their girlfriends. But, what are the consequences? Well, when a gentleman (such as yours truly) treats a women with respect, kindness, and courtesy, one of two things generally happens: a) they really appreciate the treatment or b) they are shocked and mistrustful and often show no appreciation whatsoever for my having held the door for them, helped them carry something heavy, or having given them my seat on a crowded bus or train. I am sad to report that the latter response is much more common than the former. But, what can you do? If I were treated as a mouse all of my life, I would probably be suspicious and unappreciative, too.

Thanks for reading!

GBUJ

Sorry, but there is no Japanese word for…

As a blogger, one of the most fascinating aspects of the whole process is how people find this blog. As many of you already know, when I want to, I can check to see how people have found GBUJ. What I have learned is that most people finding this are looking for Japanese language lessons. (The JET Program is a very close #2!) Now, while I was happy to teach people some useful expressions, in this post I thought I would focus on what can’t be said in Japanese. In some cases this is a good thing and in other cases this is not. As I explain, you will see why.

For example, there is no Japanese word for “privacy.” Simply put, there is very little of it in Japan and therefore the lack of a term. Now some of you may argue that there is “privacy” in katakana, but as I have explained before, I don’t think katakana helps. Not at all! In short, there is little privacy in Japan. One result, of course, being that the little privacy that people do have becomes really really important! Oddly enough, a “privacy” law was enacted a few years ago and for the most part it is useless (and even dangerous) as people in Japan don’t really know what is private and personal and what isn’t.

Two other loan words that are widely misunderstood in Japan are “humanism” and “globalism.” Currently, in my line of work, the former is a catchphrase that is espoused at any given opportunity. The problem, it is also in katakana, and I can’t believe that any two people in Japan have the same definition of the word – or even care for that matter. Of course, as many longterm residents will attest to, “humanism” is only applicable to people of Japanese nationality. Other nationalities aren’t human! Globalism in Japan means what is best for “Japan” more or less.

Another omission from the Japanese lexicon is “business.” I think this also applies to capitalism and democracy. While business is always in katakana, the other two do have Japanese translations, i.e. they can be written in kanji. My issue with all three words is that since business, capitalism, and democracy aren’t actually practiced in Japan, how can they really be defined and used as they are outside Japan? Now in some ways this is a good thing and not just a complaint. (Actually I have never written a complaint about Japan, just made observations!) But reading the news on a daily basis has taught me time and time again that there are few people in Japan who know what democracy means and how it should be practiced. Having said this though, the Japanese forms of “business,” “capitalism,” and “democracy,” have helped insulate it from a lot of the abuses that occur in countries like the USA. The subprime loan mess is a perfect example! It wouldn’t happen in Japan as the bottom line in Japan isn’t only about money. It is more about who you know and who “you” are! (See my post from a few moths ago.)

Anyway, I thought I would teach you a little about Japanese that really doesn’t exist IMHO. While some readers may think that I am making this up or being overly pessimistic about life in Japan. Actually, I am just telling it like I see it! And in my defense, I would use the word “baseball” as an example. There is no “baseball” in Japan. It is called “yakkyu” and as many have seen for themselves, yakkyu and baseball are not always the same! And I am not saying one is better than the other, but at least people in Japan went to the trouble of making a word for it in Japanese and not using katakana to make yet another regularly misunderstood loan word.

Thanks for reading,

GBUJ

Don’t Even Try – Understanding Jealousy in Japan (Part 2)

Some of you may have been scratching your head on my last blog entry. If some people in Japan are so jealous of what others want, and therefore purchase especially expensive brand-name goods, but they don’t want to stand out, how does this make sense? Well, don’t forget my entry a while ago about “Who YOU are.” With the proper “aligning of the stars” certain people in Japan can get away with anything. Take Shintaro Ishihara for example! The man is not just evil, but also incompetent and a world-class blowhard, but millions in Tokyo will vote for him and elect him governor of Tokyo without hesitation. People figure that at his age he has earned the right to do anything and say anything he wants. The same goes for people from various walks of life in Japan. For all of the modest and sincerely hardworking people in Japan, there will always be those poseurs out there who think money, which school they graduated from, and who their parents were, will excuse them from all of the norms that dictate everyday life in Japan.  For the average man and woman in Japan, the worst thing that could happen to them is to be praised. Praise can lead to jealousy and jealousy will make you a target. So, when someone praises them, step one: deny it and then step two: praise the praiser. This is the best way to avoid being hated. As I said a while ago, being the victim is a position of great power in Japan.

Then again, maybe I have no idea what I am talking about and the bottomline is that people just don’t make sense.

Thanks for reading,

GBUJ

Motivation in Japan: One word – Jealousy!(Part one)

This week I will share one of the worst kept secrets about people in Japan, i.e. jealousy, and the ramifications for everyday life.

Now I am not sure how you were raised, but in my upbringing jealousy was a sin. However, in Japan, I am pretty sure it ranks right up there with favorite pastimes such as running to catch a train, slurping noodles, or working unpaid overtime. In fact, one of the most common expressions in Japan is “ii na” – often pronounced “iiiiiii naaaa” for emphasis. This expression is used when someone is envious of what someone else has or is doing. However, depending on the situation, many native speakers of Japanese will do all they can to deflect the envy – while secretly gloating inside. See, being the object of jealousy means being set up for a downfall. Whether it is politics, business, the Japanese world of entertainment, or simply ones neighbors, being envied almost always means being brought down to size – often with a considerable amount of pain and embarrassment. In a way, people and institutions in Japan are their worst enemy! Watching the daily news is more or less a lesson in watching someone being set up as “special” – or the flavor of the day – and then eventually being ripped to shreds. Happens all the time! Which ultimately begs the question, why the fear of foreigners? Who knows? But, no one will ever hurt institutions and people in Japan more than their “hobby” of looking for someone to be jealous of and then destroying them.

So how did I come about this knowledge? Was it personal experience? No. More than 15 years ago I worked for a woman who worked for Ferragamo – the fashion house. Like most enlightening experiences it also consisted of a lot of pain. Ever seen the “Devil Wears Prada?” My boss was exactly the same! But even to this day, lessons I learned from her still “help” me. One of which was the culture of jealousy in Japan and how it works. My boss, for example, thought anyone who wanted to be “famous” on TV in Japan was an idiot. She probably could have been with her style, knowledge, and background in fashion, but  she absolutely refused. Staying ”under the radar,” she said, was so important. And over the years I have seen that it is very true! When I asked what motivated consumers in Japan to spend so much money on brand-name goods in Japan she said it in one word – JEALOUSY. For many people (not everyone obviously) nothing will drive them nuts more than seeing Tiffany, Gucci, or Louis Vuitton on their friend. They will absolutely need to have something equal or better, i.e. more prestigious and expensive - whether they need it or not. But then you would say that doesn’t make sense, and you would be exactly right! Like I have said in previous posts, logic is not a value in Japan and this is a perfect example.

In short, thinking of selling your product in Japan? Simply get people jealous of one another over it and it will sell like hotcakes!

Thanks for reading,

GBUJ